| Megan's Rant...cause she has no one to converse with lol. |
[05 Dec 2008|12:24pm] |
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mood |
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Cant think of right word. |
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For about the past 4 years of my life I've considered myself to be a spiritual person. Growing up in church, there were many core values of Christianity that I believed to be true. And while I still hold true to some of them, I've learned that religion is nothing but a form of control and don't want to live my life by its 'guidelines'. Ever since I've been in BC I've become a different person. Apparently its what I needed in my life; I have never been more happy with the person I am than right now. And its taken quite a lot to get me here. Before I started school I was so sure I knew who I was, the person I wanted to be, and what I've wanted out of life. Holy fuck did college change that. Not drastically but it made me look at life differently. For so long I was struggling to be the person I wanted to be, instead I just needed to accept the person I already am and start living that life. I'm realizing more and more that uncertainty is okay; I don't have to be completely certain about ever aspect of my life, but there are some uncertainties that I can't help but struggle with. I was raised to believe in God and in unconditional love. Love I couldn't agree more with; for us to succeed as a race we need to learn to give up our prejudices & judgments and love each other unconditionally. But this God thing is a hard one. I've really been into learning lately haha, even outside of school. I've just really taken a liking to informing myself about the world around. This week I've been watching some documentaries on religion. The first one is called "For The Bible Tells Me So" and its about Fundamental Christians in the US have been manipulating the bible to call Homosexuality a sin; which I mean, come on. Also a movie called "Jesus Camp" about Evangelical Christians. It follows this story of children as they go to summer camp and are literally terrified into becoming soldiers of Christ. And this morning I watched one called "Devils Playground". This movie is crazy. It's about the Amish; it is their tradition that when a child turns 16 they're sent out into the world to make the decision for themselves whether or not they wanted to be baptized and join the church. They go out and get cars, watch TV, normal things..oh and PARTY. A lot of the teens interviewed were doing/deal meth. As much of some of the Amish ways of life are a little extreme this is the idea of making the choice of 'joining the church' was the same idea I was raised on. When I was baptized it was because I made the choice, not my parents for me. And my parents always let my sisters and I be the people we are, never held judgment and always allowed us to make our own choices. And right now I feel like one of the Amish kids; questioning everything I was raised to believe. To be perfectly honest I hadn't thought about my 'Christian Life' in a long time. But after I watched this movie, for some reason, I was compelled to put on a CD made for my mom right before she died, of all her favorite worship songs, sung by our church band. And I just bawled. Is this because to me this music is a way of talking to my mom, or what? I don't know whether I'm drawn to my feelings for God or for my mother, as weird as it may sound. While I very much have accepted and welcomed uncertainty in my life, this is one confused idea I can't help but rant about. Christianity will always be apart of my life. It was a huge chunk of who I was as a child and will always be a part of my family's life; but I don't think it will be a significant part of my life ever again. I'm okay with that. I'm okay with questioning God's existence, I've been okay with that for a long time. For me, I believe anything can be true. The book of Genesis very well could be a poetic metaphor for the Big Bang Theory and Evolution. I believe that there is a higher power; no matter what religion, belief or whatever you are it's human nature to strive to find that 'higher power'. Maybe we all need to do it in our way (Christianity, Buddhism, Muslim, Ba'hai (ps check that religion out if you don't know what it is), we all have a common goal. Religion is fucked. It messes with your mind in more ways that you can image or realize. I really have no where to go with this. I'm just bored and had a lot of ideas going on inside this crazy noggin of mine.
Ps.
i'm going to be in st.catharines in 9 days!!!!!!!!!!!!
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[05 Oct 2008|12:18pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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so i havent been on this mofo in ages,
i mean i talk to all of you often enough to know
whats going on in your lives.
but today i need to vent.
(yes, its sad that this is the only place i have to do so).
but fuck my roomate, seriously.
he keeps saying that i dont like him as much as i used to.
which is partically true but mostly not.
its just that i dont want to deal with his bullshit anymore.
like seriously how lazy and unmotivated are you. i'm not your fucking mom.
GROW UP! YOUR 25!! DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF.
but i mean on the plus side.. i only have to deal with it for another
SIX FUCKING MONTHS.
loosing my mind a bit here guys. like maybe if in the past two years
chris washed some dishes, or made an effort to help me clean i'd be a little happier.
i'd think i'd be more okay with, considering i'm going to school to help children,
but most of them are 5...not fucking 25. and i just dont know how to change things.
we've been doing this "we're just friends" thing for too long. i really need a friend now.
and becca bless your soul, you made my day a million times better. but fuck i have no patience left. i'm at the end of the line....and normally i'd be like its okay megan, just go smoke one and you'll relax. but how depressing is it to constantly be smoking a doob by yourself everytime. i mean i have friends that i blaze with but its just...lost its fun these days.
when it comes down to it everything is fine. chris isnt the douchbag i often make him out to be. he does things for me all the time (well...he buys me dinner).
and i know i'm just hardcore pmsing. but still. i need a belmont man.
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[14 May 2008|10:10am] |
who's excited?!
i am!!!
though i'll feel better once i talk to cat.
get back from cuba already and call me!!!
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[11 May 2008|11:37am] |
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mood |
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 excited |
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guess who finally paid off her visa!
boo yeah!!!!
also, i'm going to be in st.catharines in 6 days.
CAT I NEED TO TALK TO YOU
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| 32 days...... |
[14 Apr 2008|09:41pm] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
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so today after work,
this girl cindy and i
were walking to the skytrain.
and behind our work there's a bunch of dumpsters.
so today there's this black trench coat hanging on one.
and i said,
'wow thats a nice coat! who would want to get rid of that?!'
and then this man popped out of the dumpster.....
i laughed so hard i almost peed myself.
ps. attn cathy marha!!
in the do make say think song,
bruce e kinesis...
what movie is that sample from?
i figured you would know...
BUT ANYONE ELSE ANSWER IF YOU KNOW!!!
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[08 Apr 2008|12:58am] |
will one of you move out here,
so i dont have to live with this douchebag anymore?
edit: he's not a douchebag;
we just need a vaca from eachother.
but you all should still get yo ass' out hurrrr.
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[31 Mar 2008|08:04pm] |
what i learnt this weekend:
the lower main land has a 'welland';
its called new westminster.
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[28 Mar 2008|01:47pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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do make say think. |
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i just got the perfect amount of stoned.
HA!
t-minus 50 days till megan's ontario tour 08.
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[24 Feb 2008|05:34pm] |
ladies and gentlemen,
i am stepping up in the world.
see you all may, 08.
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[25 Jan 2008|01:51pm] |
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this is what i want;
its just not who i want it with.
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[14 Jan 2008|05:01pm] |
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i have got to stop spending money on takeout.
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[25 Dec 2007|01:42am] |
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i miss all of you so intensely;
and i wish we were all together.
i'll try and call everyone to say hello:)
i love you all, and have a wonderful christmas♥
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[29 Nov 2007|07:55pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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neil younge ; thanks becca |
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will one of you come visit me already?!
seriously guys. doooo it.
i wish i could've had better timing.
but i'm still havin a great time.
i wish you guys could see the mountains.
i'm buying a camera for myself for my bday/
christmas.
by the way
HAPPY BIRTHDAY (PLUS ONE DAY) ERICA.
i love you. i hope you had a wonderful night.
i smoked one and with evan and pretended it was you♥haha
um yeh. i just miss you guys.
and i need a haircut soo bad.
i've got one crazy mane goin.
so yeah keep it real. i love you all.
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| iiits riiight oooon tiiimee |
[07 Nov 2007|01:09pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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r.h.c.peeeepppppers |
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i miss you all so effing bad;
(like, you dont even know)
but i loove it here!!!!!!
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[01 Oct 2007|04:32pm] |
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mood |
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frustrated |
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cat dude,
turn on your phone.
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| hey cat, ya jealous? |
[25 Sep 2007|09:50am] |
the smashin pumpkins?
fucking EPIC.
ps i ♥ erica ashley pizzacala.
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[12 Sep 2007|08:31pm] |
i have a tendancy to over-react;
and be a drama queen.
christopher thomas keller is on of the bestest friends i could ask for.
life is just stressful right now.
but it'll work out.
and i'm happy.
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[11 Sep 2007|07:46pm] |
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mood |
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frustrated |
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today was an extremely hard day.
the effects of working as much as i have,
are finally catching up to me.
and it wouldnt be hard if i felt more appreciated.
if i had more help around here.
yes i know you suppported me for a long time;
but you worked part time at the love shop,
and i kept your house pretty fucking clean.
i work over 50 hours a week;
most days starting at 4 in the am.
and i still come home..
and do landry,
and dishes,
and pick up sooo many things...
while you've been watching tv all day.
i havent heard from my dad latly;
he keeps saying he's gonna call and never does
(i'm not allowed to use our phone to call home b/c its to much $$)
i havent heard from anyone latly.
i mean i'm happy i really am.
i love my life here.
i love walking to work and seeing mountains.
and i love the people i'm meeting;
and the life i'm starting.
its just really fucking hard right now.
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| i still miss becca. |
[28 Aug 2007|10:22pm] |
i washed my hair yesterday.
i also did my first open @ starbucks.
430am. oh yes. retarded.
i'm making sick money.
bc is beautiful.
i'm happy.
its hard, but i'm happy.
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[17 Aug 2007|04:42pm] |
so life is good.
started @ shoppers yesterday;
its nice to have a slow pace job cuz starbucks is nuts.
if you havent seen pics of our drive yet;
visit my facebook, check that shit out yo.
i miss becca.
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